Thursday, September 15, 2011

Diagnosis: Ohrwurm!

Dr. GH Lively: “Bah! I have that d*mn Kylie song stuck in my head now... Do you know how frustrating it is to have something like that that you just can’t get rid of?!”

[looks at the patient’s chart]

GH: “Ok, maybe you do... Let’s do a deal, I’ll help you get rid of your thing if you help me get rid of this! Deal?”

Unhealthy-and-only-slightly-attractive-patient: “Do you want me to sing you another song?”

GH: “What?! No. The only song that’ll replace this is an equally, if not more, annoying song! How would that help? NURSE!!!” 

[Nurse runs in]

Not-As-Hot-A-Nurse-As-Was-Expected: “Yes, Doctor?”

GH: “Can we get a radio in here? One that’s not tuned in to some radio station that’s ever had a branded bus or car parked outside?”

[Nurse Exits, muttering profanities under her breath]

GH: “You know, I’m not so sure that she recognizes music without half a dozen cocktails in her system and cover charge to get in here........ Right, where were we? Ah, yes, the diagnosis! Well, you don’t look too good, I can say that for a start.”

Patient-who-looks-less-attractive-with-a-furrowed-brow: “Is it serious?”

GH: “That depends, do you use sun beds? Or is this from a bottle?”

Patient: “What? No, it’s from sunbathing.”

GH: “Really? Interesting? I’d expect a woman who looks like you do to have spent more time indoors... Maybe that's where you picked up this tapeworm. 'Outside'.”

Patient: "Tapeworm?!"

GH: "Yeah, gross."

[Exit GH]

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