Thursday, June 30, 2011

Diagnosis: You Just Got Surge'd!

Dr. GH Lively: It's not just the government who're making big cuts around here!

He produces a worn looking scalpel]

Nurse (a generous 6 out of 10):
Doctor! Where did you get that scalpel?! That wasn't from this set!

She points down to the tray of sterilized equipment]

This? This scalpel, my dear nurse, was my father's scalpel. I remember the day that I graduated medical school he said to me, he said "Son, it never hurts to have another set of prints on a blade" and then he gave this to me blade first. I was careful not to harm myself then, and I'm trained enough not to harm this person now.
Nurse Blah-Blah-Rules-This-Blah-Blah-Hygiene-That: It's not sterile, you can't use it in here!
GH: Nurse, if I were you I'd be more concerned that you look like you've half-inhaled your surgical mask up one of your nostrils as opposed to harping on about "Doctor, where did you get that rusty scalpel?" It's not like I walked in here with a potato peeler, this is a scalpel-

He raises the scalpel]

GH: - and that there is a patient who cares about results, d*mmit! How clean the tools I use are and just how many cotton buds I leave inside him are incidental to the fact that he needs this surgery.
Nurse: Doctor Lively, stop what you're doing right now! Leave the theatre. 
GH: No, Nurse... Mc... Has-A-Name.... whatever-it-is.... You leave the theatre! Because nagging isn't going to heal this patient, surgery is.

Dr. Lively assumes a fencing stance and salutes his patient]

Last chance, nurse, either get out of call "Play!" on this thing.